When we are first in a special couple relationship everything seems to be wonderful. We may think that the other person is perfect and perhaps they think that we are too. As time goes on, inevitably we find out that this is not so. What do we do then? It is not possible to change someone else – it is only possible to change ourselves or our response to a situation.
What was it about your special person that made you want to be with them? What foundations is your relationship built on? If you were to build a house I imagine that you would ensure that you had good foundations before building. What are your expectations of the relationship? What is it that keeps you together? If you love each other, how do you demonstrate this to the other person?
In any relationship we are influenced by our family history and life experiences. This comes into sharp focus when we develop a romantic relationship with someone else. Often we are not aware of how this may be impacting our relationship. We may think ‘it’s just the two of us’ and not understand why we struggle to make our voice heard or why we retreat when there is a disagreement. I will help you gain insight into why you fall into patterns of behaviour and help you begin to consider ways to modify these when they are detrimental to yourself and your relationship.
When I work with couples I always ask for a Life History Form to be completed ahead of the first appointment. I ask for this to be e mailed to me separately without consulting your partner. I also ask what each person thinks the problem is and what they are hoping for from coming to counselling. It is important that both people want to come to counselling. I recognise that this can be difficult and I am always respectful and do my best to understand how things are from your perspective.
In the Consulting Room I want each person to feel safe and to be in an environment where they can speak and be heard. I help couples learn to communicate well with each other – this includes enhancing listening skills. I reflect back what I have heard and noticed. I have found that when people feel heard and respected it is possible to work through the difficulties that have brought them to counselling.
If you think that I may be able to help you do contact me.