Are you neglecting yourself?
This article will reflect on pausing for a moment to consider whether you might be neglecting yourself. Life is full of responsibilities personally and professionally and in our pursuit of meeting these, it is possible that you might have lost sight of yourself and that you have not realised that this is the case.
Is your identity in ‘being busy?’
The world prizes ‘being busy’ as a sign that you are important, needed, competent, useful, successful and much more. Sometimes when asked how you are, you might respond with ‘busy’ and then ask the other person if they are busy too. This is not the answer to how are you. Maybe you actually don’t know how you are because you haven’t given that any thought. Perhaps you are surprised that someone is actually asking you and you don’t know how to respond.
In what ways does ‘being busy’ impact your mental and physical health?
You might be working in an environment that values working at pace. Deadlines are tight, time management is precise, being able to adapt at short notice is expected, the pace is fast and you are expected to keep up. You may also expect your teams to work in the same way.
If this resonates I wonder if you have noticed that you start the day early, end it late and don’t take breaks. Perhaps you have normalised this way of being as a price worth paying for success.
I wonder too what your mood is like with family and friends when you eventually get home. Perhaps you are short-tempered and leave family responsibilities to your partner. Maybe you bark orders at your friends and family expecting them to do as they are told. Perhaps too you are so exhausted that you are unable or unwilling to connect emotionally with family and friends.
You may find it difficult to switch off as your brain is used to being over-stimulated. There could also be a fear of slowing down because you feel that it is your responsibility to lead. You may have an internal narrative that expects you to ‘just get on with it’ – ‘be strong’ – ‘don’t be weak’ – ‘don’t be seen as weak.’
When you eventually work out that the pace is too fast do you numb the overload with self-harm including pornography, alcohol, drugs and other risk-taking behaviours etc?
Are you disconnected from yourself?
In my clinical work I have noticed that people who neglect themselves are often disconnected from their inner selves. They may find it difficult to name emotions and where they feel them other than anger which is sometimes repressed. It may also be explosive which is dismissed and normalised as ‘that’s just the way I am.’
Are you burnt-out?
The reality is that we all have a limit. There will come a point where we will collapse emotionally and physically if we don’t take care of our mental and physical health.
Would you like some professional support?
It is not weak to ask for professional support. It is wise and courageous. If you are in the UK and would like to consider counselling with me do get in touch via my website www.stellagoddard.com
